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Don’t Be Shy

“Sometimes the people you think don’t want to talk to you, are the ones waiting for you to talk to them.”

  –Unknown

shyI’m an introvert.  This is to say that instead of focusing on the world around me, I tend to focus more on my internal world.  The world inside me that is vast and full of alternate universes.  Various realities exist there, such as the way things could be instead of the way things are.  Many possibilities, dreams, and goals.  My mind constantly looks for possible solutions to both personal and worldly problems while struggling to remember daily tasks.

I feel energized more when I’m alone or in a small group of people.  Once I am in a larger crowd, I feel more stressed from the noise, as well as, from adapting to so many personalities all at once.  It can be overwhelming.

People tend to view introverts as shy and when I was a child, I was indeed shy.  Not so much anymore.  I learned to come out of my shell and adapt to the more outgoing and social world that we live in.  I needed to.

baby shyGrowing up without siblings and very little opportunities to make friends because of my single-parent mother’s work schedule, I was accustomed to living in a world of my own.  However, when I started school, I was like a fish out of water.  Many of my peers didn’t seem to understand why I was just as happy playing by myself.  I felt as though it was expected that I joined other kids in order to play. I felt the pressure to be like everyone else and yet I was content to be myself.  However, being myself seemed to make me a target and I used to get called a lot of names or was even bullied.  At the time, I never understood why.

Because it felt like the world hated me, I became more and more withdrawn as I got shy hatolder.  So much so, that I ended up at the point where I couldn’t even make eye-contact with anyone or initiate conversations.  Everyone around me was a potential enemy.  I tried to disappear into the woodwork.  Not get noticed.   I felt like any attention drawn to me would cause more hostility from others.

Being a super-sensitive, serious and emotional sort of person did not help either.  I spent many days in a corner trying to disappear.  If the other kids were simply teasing me or joking, I hadn’t yet developed that sort of understanding yet.  This to me was the result of being an only child and not having many friends before I started school.

shy handsHowever, I knew that I couldn’t spend my whole life avoiding people.  The problem was that I didn’t know yet how to overcome it.

At that time in my life, I did not have access to a computer but even if I did, the internet wasn’t the vast resource we have now.  I went to the library and found some books on overcoming shyness, took psychology classes and did everything I could to find ways to be more outgoing.  I remember one bit of advice was to imagine the other person naked.  The only problem with this is what if I would rather not see that person naked?  lol!

It’s never easy to go against your own personality plus all the habits that had formed over time.  Once I got my first job it was in a face-to-face customer service environment so there was no choice, I needed to come out of my shell.

imagesBeing in front of strangers trying to interact with them was like someone pushing me into the deep end of the swimming pool.   It was “sink or swim” time.  At first, I responded to customers without eye-contact.  Trying to do my job.  Luckily, I had the fact that I was new and untrained as an excuse for being so awkward and people tended to give me a little more leniency.

As I learned new skills and became a little more confident in my job, it became a little easier but I still had trouble with eye contact.  I tended to look off over their shoulder and avoided their eyes.  Since I never had to approach anyone and they came to me with their demands, which were strictly business related, it was easier to speak with them.  Plus they were strangers and the likelihood of seeing them again was slim unless they were regulars, and the regulars were usually elderly and kind.

One day, it occurred to me that I could just pretend I was someone else who was not shy.  setLIke an actress playing a role, I would be someone else.  This concept helped me out a lot.  I also started practicing in the mirror and studying how other people handled situations.

After a few years of pretending to be someone else in social situations, I began to realize that the person was still me and yes I could interact in social situations.  I started to be less and less someone else and started to be more me.  Realizing that the world did not explode into hatred against me for doing so, my confidence increased.confident.jpg

Today, I still tend to be quiet and reserved around people I do not know.  However, once they get to know me, I open up and am able to interact in a more relaxed and comfortable manner.  In fact, I’ve had many people tell me once I have relaxed that I am much different than the impression they had of me initially. Because I have a great hidden sense of humour,  I’m actually a lot more fun!

ღLeahღ

 

 

 

 

Featured

My Road to Politics

Art, freedom and creativity will change society faster than politics.”

Victor Pinchuk

This time last year, I didn’t know anything about Politics.  I also didn’t know what was going on in the world due to my aversion to any type of news media.  I avoided the news like the plague because there was something about the presentation, the robotic rhythm of the Presenter’s voices, that I didn’t like. Not only that it was always depressing to me.

My mother, on the other hand, was a bona fide “news jnewscasterunkie.”  She had her TV tuned into a news channel 24/7 and only turned it off for an hour a day during soap opera time.  I always knew that if anything important happened, she would tell me.  So, I pretty much had no reason to concern myself with it.

I also avoided politics and always felt that politicians were the most insincere and deceitful people. They would say whatever the popular opinion was to get the votes but didn’t do anything for their constituents once they had achieved their seat in the offices for which they ran for.  So, I felt it was pointless to concern myself with politics and even more pointless to vote.

As much as I avoided politics, I couldn’t ignore how bad the economy started getting toward the end of George W. Bush’s term and it got even worse under Barack Obama.  Job loss was happening everywhere and many people lostobama their homes.   I also noticed that Obama did nothing to improve the job situation throughout his two terms and things that mattered to less of the population, like gay marriage, was given greater attention.

When the Primary elections came around, I held a temporary job registering voters in the county elections office.  During this time, I started to become inspired to be personally involved in the voting process myself.  I still didn’t feel like one vote made a difference, but wanted the experience of voting anyway.

I decided I would vote for a popular party’s candidate (like a Republican or Democrat) because I wanted someone who was more likely to win. I’ve noticed that it’s usually one of those two parties that ends up being the President.  I set out to research the platforms of the candidates, whom I had actually heard of, that was running under either the Democratic or Republican parties.  My main concern was job opportunities and to maintain at least a middle-class life; not slip down into poverty, losing everything that I had worked so hard for, all of these years.

Bernie HIllary Trump

To me, it seemed it was likely going to end up being either Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders that would win the Presidential election.

Where I live, I remember seeing a lot of signs and bumper stickers for Bernie, a few for Bernie for Pres.bumper stickerTrump but none for Hillary, unless they ended with “for prison.”

I had always had a bad feeling about Hillary and I felt many others did too.  My mother couldn’t stand her and dreaded what the world would be like if she became our next President.

There is a certain vibe you get from people and something about her just didn’t sit right with me and my gut-instincts are usually correct.

Trump, I was unsure of.  I remember seeing him on reality TV shows and hearing him do that iconic, “you’re fired!”  Other than that, I felt he was bold, even brash, a savvy businessman, smart and arrogant.

Bernie was the only one who I remember was talking about jobs, the middle class and he was running against the sketchy Hillary.  So, I made a decision that I would register as a Democrat and vote for Bernie.  Please keep in mind, that at the time I knew virtually nothing about Politics and was basing my vote on feelings and experiences.

Somehow, however, Hillary won the Primary election despite there being a lack of public support for her from what I had seen.  I knew at that point, I would need to choose between her and Trump in the General election since he had won the Primaries for the Republican spot.  On November 8, 2016, I went to the local polling place located in a church and cast my vote for Donald Trump.  To my delight, I later found out he won.

Burning RiotsOnce he became elected, however, riots had ensued for more than a week. There were daily reports of damage and looting, cars being set on fire and windows being smashed in.  People getting hurt.  I couldn’t understand any of it.  Had never seen it before.  Usually, it’s quiet after elections until inauguration day.

What were people protesting?  What is the big deal?  The part that bugged me the most  – was the young age of many of the protesters. protesters They all seemed to be around 18 – 24 years of age.  Too young to really know what it was like to live through 8 years of Obama, national economic collapse, bankruptcy, job layoffs, or home foreclosures.  They never had to work for what they have yet. Basically lived on someone else’s income so they didn’t have a clue what it was like to face losing everything they worked hard for.

notHow could they possibly feel that their place in life gives them a bigger say over the hard-working people who hadvoted for our new President??

Not my President

I did what I normally do when I look for answers, I turned to YouTube to see if anyone had made a video about it to explain the madness for me.  It was at this point that I discovered Paul Joseph Watson’s video on the riots.  In fact, it was even listed in my YouTube recommendations.

PJW

Video:   https://youtu.be/1d9lm-T87AQ

It was a brilliantly made video and it turns out he has many other brilliantly made videos as well.  I became so intrigued, I started watching more of his videos and even started watching videos of other people whom I had never heard of before.  videosSuddenly, my recommendations page was filled up with all kinds of political videos.

A whole new world opened and I had a lot of new words to look up.  “Cuck,” “SJW,” and “Snowflake” to name a few.  I also started to understand what had confused me about people for a long time.  Why there were those who cared about jobs and paying their bills to have a comfortable life and those who put frivolous things and personal lifestyle choices above all else; even if it meant one would live in poverty.

It also explained why the media didn’t seem to care about the unemployment problem (even falsely reported lower numbers) and set a priority to publicize gays being able to get married instead.

The reason?   Different ways of thinking and ideologies.  It was conservative thinking vs liberal thinking.  The priorities of each side seemed to be the exact opposite.

It was at this point I discovered that my way of thinking would be considered side signconservative.

Conservative?  This distinction still seems weird to me and I feel funny when people call me that.  When I was growing up, the conservative people were staunch and regimented in their daily lives. Woke up early, got to bed early, paid bills on time, and watched the TV News.  On the other hand, liberals were free-spirited and tolerant.  They believed in the “live and let live motto” and were non-conformists.  They stayed up late and slept-in.  They did what they liked but did not let it affect anyone else. They also believed in having very little government involvement in their lives.  Freedom for all.  This is how I identified myself.

The stark contrast of what’s considered liberal nowadays and what it used to be is still stunning to me.  Based on the modern definitions, my way of thinking and values could only be classified as conservative (as weird as it feels.)

It’s like someone re-wrote the dictionary, changed the definitions and somehow got the whole world to see it under the new way.  Another word that has been redefined is “feminist.”  The feminists I used to know passionately cared about gender equality andliberals the advancement of women.  They would have never been able to accept mistreatment of women from misogyny and sex crimes that get ignored because the perpetrators are Muslims.  I don’t see any of these traits from today’s feminists.  All I see is aggression, hate and virtue signaling.

truth vs liesLet’s not forgot about “safe spaces.”  Another new term I had learned. Because many modern-day liberals do not have the ability to have a supported argument, many will find a place they can retreat to; even to the point of censorship and taking away other’s rights of free speech and expression.

The more I learned and communicated on social media, the more I became curious to what political party I would likely fit into.  I knew I would be considered a “conservative” but what party should I call myself?  If I was really on the right, then how far right?  Should I be something other than Democrat?  Republican maybe? What the heck is Libertarian?  What about American Independent?   This was me then.

The more I learned, the more I became convinced that I was not a Democrat.  In fact, when I looked up Republican, the values on that side fit more with my own.  At the same time, the actions that President Trump was taking had made me more and more proud thatboth pres he was our President.  I voted for the correct person.  He sort of reminds me of my one other favourite President from my childhood – Ronald Reagan.

As these two men are both Republicans, and what I learned about the party had been in alignment with a lot of my own values, I re-registered and changed my party to Republican.

Still a little doubtful, I also took many political quizzes at this point and shared my results on Twitter along with a few other people.  One quiz said I was “center-right,” another said “centrist” and still another was a graph that put the little dot to the left of center.Political Compass

When I shared this, someone on Twitter had told me that I was a “Classical Liberal” but was also very quick to add “not to be confused with an SJW or feminist.” lol

Okay, so that makes a little more sense, however, with what liberal means nowadays, I hadn’t felt comfortable using that term when referring to myself until I saw my favourite Paul Watson had described himself as that recently in response to all the articles written about him being “alt-right,” I’m suspecting.

Now there’s another new term.  Definition of a Classical Liberal is this:  “Classical liberalism is a political ideology that values the freedom of individuals — including the freedom of religion, speech, press, assembly, and markets — as well as limited Classical Liberalismgovernment….” – Chegg.com.   Yes!  That fits!!  This feels right.

I have also been researching what Libertarianism is all about as well, and feel this also fits me.  The ideals such as freedom and ownership of oneself, are ones that I identify with as well.

As of today, I have a greater sense of who I am and learned a lot about areas that I had stayed away from for far too long.  I’m even keeping up with current events through alternative media and have come to learn that mainstream media cannot be trusted

I love learning new things and this has been a fascinatingly, interesting ride so far.  🙂

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Conservatism is the new Counter-Culture

 

—  ღ Leah ღ

Here Goes….!

My new adventure into the unknown.

Breath in… breath out…

My first blog.  My first long, lengthy message to the world.  I have so much to say about so many things, and I don’t quite know where to begin; so I’ll begin here.

This is my new endeavor.  My new enterprise.  My new adventure into the unknown.

I look forward to taking you along as I learn about this brand new world that I have decided to stroll into. Surely there will be pitfalls along the way. Nothing new is ever embarked upon without a few twists and turns.  That’s what makes it exciting, right?

Open a bottle of champagne, pop the cork, and pour up a glass. Here’s to new beginnings! Enjoy.

with cheese

ღAngel Leah